I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Randomize
