I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
