I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
