think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
