i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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