Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
