i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
