who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
