I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you traded sex for a burrito?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
