So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
