how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
