I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
