I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
