I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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