You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
