But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
pop tarts are not kleenex
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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