I want to make a zoo with you.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
