Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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