I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
