He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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