dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So much Jack, so little girl.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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