Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
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