dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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