Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
