remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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