...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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