Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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