GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am mentally ready for anal.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
