Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
