Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
