Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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