She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
