Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
