He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
