I smell stomach acid.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
