Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
