Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
