I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sext me about skeletons
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
