the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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