Do you still have your period?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
