alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
no you cant smoke seaweed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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