I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
