A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
