So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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