Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
