How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
