is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
