Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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