It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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