I want to walk on stilts...naked
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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