Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
They have beer where we have blood.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
