By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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