I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
