How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
